Announcer:
Scene 4. Kentucky Jones arrives in the Heimlech Manure Mountains.
Kentucky: Ahhh, damn... that was a big climb...
Kid: Quit whining! You're supposed to be the hero!
Kentucky: Oh yeah! (manly cough) There's an entrance to the Bark Temple according to this map! Let's go kid!
Announcer: In the mountain now...
Kentucky: Ah, the Bark is down that way.
Kid: Wait! My father says that the Bark is guarded by a bunch of hippies!
Kentucky: Hippies? I HATE HIPPIES!
Muckraker: Hello again Doctor Jones...
(grabs Kid)
Kid: Let me go!
Kentucky: No! Not you again!
Muckraker: I believe I was supposed to kill you...
Carmen: NINE! Let's just get zee bark and get out of here!
Muckraker: Shutup or you die too. Now Jones, you die.
(shoots at Kentucky, but Carmen jumps in the way)
Carmen: Nine!
Kentucky: Carmen! No!
Muckraker: Fine, you get the Bark Jones! It's the only thing that can save her...
Carmen: Kentucky, please hurry!
Kentucky: Right!
Kid: Don't forget about the hippies! And watch your step! One wrong move and you'll fall thousands of feet to your death!
Kentucky: Now you tell me. Alright, let's do this Kentucky!
Announcer: Deeper into the caves
(Kentucky encounters some stoned hippies guarding the bark)
Hippies: Whoah... Man... yeah... dude....
(kentucky almost falls of a ledge)
Kentucky: Whoah! God Damn, that was close...
Hippies: Bark, Bark a load man!
Kentucky: Uh, I need that bark you God Damned hippies.
Hippies: Shutup, hatebreeder! Peace man! It's the only way!
Kentucky: Uhhh... ooopsy!
(shoves all the hippies off the ledge)
Hippies: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh duuuuuude!
Kentucky: Fuckin hippies... god damnit.... ALRIGHT! I'VE GOT THE BARK!
Kid: (yelling) HURRY BACK! CARMEN'S ALMOST DEAD!
Kentucky: (running) I'm coming Carmen! I'm Coming!
Carmen: (crying) KENTUCKY!!!
Kentucky: (returns) Here... Oh god, eat this bark. It'll save you...
(Carmen eats the bark and grumbles...)
(a shot is heard)
Muckraker: My lieben!
Kentucky: What the!? Who killed Muckraker!?
Kid: FATHER!
Kid's Father: Yes! It's me! I see you found my bark!
Kentucky: Two things. Alright, first of all, this bark isn't working. Secondly, NICE SHOT MAN! You nailed Muckraker!
Kid's Father: Thank you! But she's going to die anyway you stupid white man imperialist!
Kentucky: What!? But I gave her the Lost Bark!!!
Kid's Father: Yeah? So? I never said it had any special powers. It was just lost!
(Carmen Dies...)
Kid's Father: See? You imbecile!
Kentucky: Oh well, let's leave these two dead Nazi's alone. It's time to get back to the USofA
Kid: (crying) Kentucky... You're my hero!
Kentucky: (chuckles) Ahhh sure kid... sure!
Announcer: Stay tuned. Same time, next tape! For Kentucky Jones' new and exciting adventure in "The Quest For The Holy Pail"!
All Actors: Yeah! Wooo Hooo! We're done! That was great! Alright! Saawing Batter! hooo hoo hoo!
